The Journal of Consumer Research wants you to know that, no, they haven't found the key to ending poverty, instead they have found out that, wait for it...wait for it... people choose their brand of jeans based on their personality!
Huzzah! Life is worth living! I CAN go on!
See, when you were but a wee babe in your mother's arms you honed one of two attachment styles, "anxiety and avoidance," the authors explain. Anxious people view themselves as positive or negative and avoidance people view others as positive or negative.
Anxiously attached individuals are more influenced by "brand personalities," the idea that a brand possesses humanlike traits, such as sincerity or excitement. "Because of a low view of self, anxious individuals use brands to signal their ideal self-concept to future relationship partners and therefore focus more on the personality of the brand," the authors write.
Turns out that anxious people who want to be seen as exciting chose Abercrombie jeans. And anxious people that wanted to be seen as sincere and were looking for intimacy in their lives chose Gap jeans.
Here's my scientific question: Who the hell picked the brands for this study? Abercrombie and Gap, really?? My notes are as follows:
Subject chooses Abercrombie: wants to be seen as exciting; enjoys shopping in dark, rave-like atmospheres where the 15-year-old clerks are obviously better than you. See also: underage.
Gap: subject looking for intimacy and/or might be on a budget, live near an upscale strip mall or need a pair of jeans for camping.
I'm thinking I should go into science. I, too, want to study subjects like the rise and fall of boy bands: New Kids On The Block: Latecomers Must Be Unique To Outperform Pioneer Brands
FABULOUS!
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